Am I speaking with you in your role as a parent or as a Board Member?

School board members who are also parents hold a uniquely powerful place in our school communities. At their best, they model the highest ideals of public service, demonstrating integrity, accountability, stewardship, and a commitment to students rather than self-interest. These board members understand the gravity of their role. They know that leadership is not about access or advantage. It is about trust, ethical governance, and the public good.

The board members who serve honorably and ethically tend to embody values such as:

• Stewardship of Public Trust: recognizing that authority exists to serve the whole system, not personal interests.

• Ethical Boundaries: maintaining a clear separation between their role as a parent and their role as a board member.

• Equity and Fairness: ensuring every family receives the same treatment and access, without influence or proximity.

• Respect for Chain of Communication: working through appropriate processes rather than leveraging status.

• Confidentiality and Professionalism: never using privileged information for personal benefit.

• Humility in Leadership: understanding that leadership is service, not entitlement.

These leaders strengthen culture. They build trust. They make schools better.

There is another reality we must name honestly.

There are situations (sometimes intentional, sometimes unexamined) where the power of the board role bleeds into the role of parent. Conversations become coercive rather than collaborative. Access becomes an advantage. Proximity becomes pressure.

It happens when a board member…

• …uses confidential information in a conversation about their child while insisting they are “speaking as a parent.”

• …appears in hallways or offices without acknowledging that their presence in those spaces is privileged access, not coincidence.

• …turns a casual drop-in into a 90-minute advocacy meeting about their individual child’s opportunities or interests, urging the district to invest public resources in alignment with personal priorities.

The veil between public office and private interest is delicate. When it is not lifted (even unconsciously), staff can feel intimidated, manipulated, or pressured. When boundaries are blurred, the system shifts from service to influence.

This is not about confrontation. It is about clarity, courage, and ethical alignment.

Leaders must honor parents' humanity while protecting the integrity of governance.

We can love people and still hold boundaries.

We can respect roles while safeguarding systems.

We can be compassionate and still be firm.

Before responding, pausing, or engaging, take a moment to ask:

• Am I experiencing a conversation… or a positional power dynamic?

• Is this interaction aligned with district processes, or is it bypassing them?

• Would this access or influence be available to any other parent?

• Is the board member speaking as a parent or acting as a board member while claiming otherwise?

• What boundary needs to be named, clarified, or restored respectfully and professionally?

These questions help leaders shift from reacting to responding intentionally.

To protect both relationships and governance integrity, leaders can:

• Name the Role Explicitly

  • Calmly ask: “Before we continue, can we clarify whether this conversation is taking place in your role as a parent or as a board member?”

  • If the answer is “parent,” keep the conversation within parent pathways and protocols.

• Redirect to Formal Processes

  • If the interaction becomes advocacy or program-driven, say: “This request would need to follow our formal review and budgeting process to ensure equity and transparency.”

• Establish Time and Space Boundaries

  • Decline hallway consultations: “I’m not able to discuss student matters informally in passing. Please schedule a meeting through the parent communication channel.”

• Document Conversations

  • Follow up in writing to confirm what was discussed and what process applies.

• Seek Partnership, Not Confrontation

  • Engage board leadership, not to escalate but to ensure shared expectations about boundaries.

• Normalize Ethical Culture

  • Provide orientation, scenarios, and reminders that reinforce the separation of role and identity.

Clear boundaries don’t weaken relationships; they protect them.

Board members who serve with humility, ethical discipline, and a deep sense of responsibility elevate our systems. They remind us that leadership is sacred work, work rooted in trust, transparency, and shared purpose.

When boundaries blur, the solution is not silence; it is clarity, compassion, and courage.

Strong systems are not built on personal influence.

They are built on principled leadership.

When we keep the veil lifted, everyone is safer, the work is fairer, and students are better served.

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