When Leadership Turns Toxic: Professional Abuse and the Absence of Self-Actualization
- Catherine Addor
- Oct 26
- 3 min read
There’s a special kind of damage that happens when someone unready for leadership gains power. It’s not always loud or visible. Sometimes it’s whispered in group chats named “sabotage.” Sometimes it’s measured on a dry-erase board that reads, “Days since someone cried.” Sometimes it’s hidden behind a smile and a stolen credit for another person’s work.
I have seen all of it. Leaders who weaponize control, who hoard information, who keep mental (and sometimes literal) files on their teams, who pass off the brilliance of others as their own. I have seen paranoia so thick it led someone to sell their car, convinced it had been sabotaged. I’ve seen boards that exhibit and also reward this behavior, enabling professional violence disguised as “high expectations.”
Leadership without self-actualization is not leadership. It’s performance wrapped in fear.
What Healthy Leadership Requires
True leaders are anchored by self-awareness. They recognize their impact, not just their intent. They understand that people follow authenticity, not authority. These leaders are secure enough to:
Celebrate others’ strengths without feeling diminished.
Invite dissent without retaliation.
Acknowledge mistakes without spiraling into shame.
Share credit because growth is collective.
They lead from purpose, not paranoia. They understand that leadership is stewardship—of people, of trust, and of organizational culture.
What the Abusive Leader Lacks
Those who abuse power often lack the inner scaffolding that mature leadership requires:
Emotional regulation. Unchecked anxiety, insecurity, or ego becomes externalized as micromanagement, intimidation, or manipulation.
Empathy. They cannot tolerate others’ emotions, so they control, diminish, or punish them.
Integrity. They rewrite narratives to protect their image instead of their team.
Reflection. They rarely ask, “What part of this is mine to own?”
Trust. Their paranoia fills every silence with suspicion.
Their insecurity becomes systemic. They create cultures of compliance rather than curiosity, and fear rather than growth. They call it “accountability,” but what they’re really enforcing is silence.
Why They Don’t See It
It’s easier to label others “disloyal” or “weak” than to face one’s own fragility. Self-actualization demands introspection, and introspection requires courage. Many abusive leaders climb quickly because systems reward production and performance over people and presence. When that veneer cracks, when control replaces connection, their leadership becomes corrosive.
They fail to see their behavior because their worth is tethered to image, not integrity. To look honestly at themselves would require dismantling the illusion of competence they’ve built.
Protecting Yourself From Becoming This Leader
No one is immune to the slow creep of ego, stress, or self-protection. Leadership tests character every day. To avoid becoming the person others fear rather than follow, you must create intentional practices of reflection and accountability.
Questions to Ask Yourself
When was the last time I apologized to someone I lead?
Do I react to dissent with curiosity or defensiveness?
Do I hoard credit or share it freely?
What part of my leadership is rooted in fear of losing control?
How do I respond when someone else shines brighter than I do?
Actionable Steps
Engage in 360-degree feedback. Not the curated version, but honest reflection from those you supervise.
Seek supervision or coaching as regularly as you offer it to others.
Name and normalize emotion, both yours and your team’s. Emotion doesn’t weaken leadership; repression does.
Document your decisions transparently. Accountability builds trust.
Model humility. Say “I was wrong.” Say “I don’t know.” Say “Teach me.”
The most evolved leaders understand that authority is temporary but influence is enduring. They build cultures that don’t need to recover from them.
The Hard Truth
If people are keeping score of how many days it’s been since someone cried in a meeting, something sacred has been broken. Leadership has become a liability.
Our work as professionals and as human beings is to make sure we never become the cautionary tale. Self-actualization is not a finish line; it’s a daily practice of returning to integrity, empathy, and truth.
Real leaders don’t need to control people to prove their worth. They create spaces where others can rise without fear, without shame, and without keeping count.
Comments