Sit at the Head of the Table: Claiming Leadership Without Permission

It takes longer.

We do more.

We get less.

When we stumble, the drop is steeper.

This is the reality for women in educational leadership: a space where we are both ubiquitous and undervalued. In a profession where women comprise over 76% of the teaching force (NCES, 2020), the levers of systemic power remain firmly in the hands of men. Only 30% of superintendents in the U.S. are women (AASA, 2022). The higher you go, the fewer of us there are. Not because we aren’t qualified, but because the system wasn’t built with us in mind.

The Long Road

Women don’t just arrive in leadership; they endure their way there.

We pursue advanced degrees while working full-time, raise families while leading schools, serve on every committee, carry the culture, write the plans, hold the vision, and make sure everyone else has what they need first. We earn leadership at every rung and still have to convince others that we belong.

The “pipeline problem” is a myth. Women are not missing from the pipeline; we're in it, swimming laps. What’s missing is equitable access to opportunity, fair evaluation, and the dismantling of systemic bias.

Studies show that women tend to apply for leadership roles only when they meet nearly all the criteria, whereas men apply when they meet about 60% of the requirements (Mohr, 2014). That hesitancy is not a reflection of women’s confidence; it’s a response to how we are judged. Where men are rewarded for potential, women are only rewarded for proof.

The Audacity of Aspiration

Let’s talk about ambition.

When women seek advancement (not just as a job, but as a source of fulfillment) we are questioned. Judged. Branded.

"She’s just in it for the title.”

“She’s never satisfied.”

“Who’s taking care of her kids?”

Men, on the other hand, are praised for rising. Their ambition is seen as drive. Their hunger is seen as a sign of leadership potential. Their success is framed as deserved.

It is still considered unbecoming for a woman to want more for herself.

Women who move to lead, to grow, to stretch beyond the confines of what they’ve been handed are often treated with suspicion. Yet we do it anyway. Staying small to make others comfortable is no longer an option.

The Invisible Measuring Stick

Women leaders are not just evaluated, they are dissected.

Research by Eagly and Carli (2007) shows that women are often perceived as either competent or likable, but rarely both. If you are decisive, you’re “cold.” If you’re warm, you’re “too soft.” If you speak up, you’re “difficult.” If you don’t, you’re “ineffective.”

Male leaders are granted complexity. Female leaders are assigned caricatures.

Let’s not forget how leadership mistakes are perceived: for men, a misstep is often seen as circumstantial. For women, it is character.

Men are allowed to fail upward. Women must succeed sideways; strategically, cautiously, and always with receipts.

Even when we exceed expectations, the margin for error remains perilously thin. As Grogan and Shakeshaft (2011) observed, women in education are often more experienced, more credentialed, and more instructional in orientation than their male counterparts. That expertise doesn’t always translate into trust, power, or promotion.

What They Say When We're Not in the Room

We are all aware of the conversations that take place behind closed doors. The ones we’re not in and that somehow define us.

“He’s a strong leader.”

“She’s abrasive.”

“He has a presence.”

“She’s too much.”

“He’s got vision.”

“She’s ambitious.”

Let’s name what this is: coded language designed to preserve power. These aren’t observations, they are obstacles. They aren’t evaluations, they are euphemisms for exclusion.

Here’s the truth: the most damaging things said about women in leadership are often said when we’re not in the room. We hear them anyway; in the silence, in the body language, in the double takes and the dismissals.

It’s exhausting. It’s time to stop pretending we don’t see it.

Time to Adjust the Crown

This is about equity and truth. It’s about power. It’s about reclaiming the right to define ourselves and our leadership on our own terms.

We no longer require permission.

We’re no longer contorting ourselves to fit into systems that weren’t designed for us. We’re reshaping the systems. We are unlearning the reflex to apologize for our presence. We are mentoring each other differently. Speaking louder. Building the kind of tables where no one has to shrink to sit.

We are calling out the double standards, calling in our sisters, and calling forth a future that sees leadership not as male by default, but as human in its fullness.

We are leading, even when it’s inconvenient, even when it’s judged, even when it costs more because we know that the children, the teachers, and the communities we serve deserve the kind of leadership only we can bring.

Let this be a reminder:

We have always been enough.

We have always belonged.

We are no longer waiting to be invited into conversations about our own capabilities.

The narrative is ours now. It is rich in complexity, joy, struggle, success, and truth.

To every woman in educational leadership (or on the road to it), adjust your crown in public. Take up space. Be too much. Let them say what they will. Your story is not theirs to tell.

You didn’t come this far to whisper.

You didn’t work this hard to disappear.

You don’t need to prove anything that your impact hasn’t already made clear.

Rise fully. If you shake the system while you do? Even better.

References

AASA: The School Superintendents Association. (2022). The American Superintendent: 2020 Decennial Study.

American Association of University Women (AAUW). (2020). Barriers and Bias: The Status of Women in Leadership.

Eagly, A. H., & Carli, L. L. (2007). Through the Labyrinth: The Truth About How Women Become Leaders. Harvard Business Review Press.

Grogan, M., & Shakeshaft, C. (2011). Women and Educational Leadership. Jossey-Bass.

Mohr, T. S. (2014). Why women don’t apply for jobs unless they’re 100% qualified. Harvard Business Review.

https://hbr.org/2014/08/why-women-dont-apply-for-jobs-unless-theyre-100-qualified

National Center for Education Statistics (NCES). (2020). Characteristics of Public School Teachers.