Our Job Is Not to Predict Their Future

In this video (https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1K9qf3DAXu/?mibextid=wwXIfr), a successful musician tells the story of deciding to leave New York and move to Nashville to pursue music. His guidance counselor thought he was making a huge mistake. They cared about him, wanted him to be successful, and was giving him advice based on what she understood about stability, careers, and the world.

For a moment, he almost believed them.

Of course, we know the story differently because we are hearing it after he took the risk and built a successful career. Students do not get to make decisions with the benefit of knowing how the story ends.

They make them while sitting across from us.

That is where this becomes an education story.

Teachers, counselors, coaches, administrators, and other trusted adults have tremendous influence over how young people see themselves and what they believe is possible. A student may casually mention becoming an artist, applying to a highly competitive college, entering the military, pursuing a trade, starting a business, moving away from home, becoming an engineer, or following a career we know almost nothing about.

Then we respond.

Sometimes that response is thoughtful guidance.

Sometimes, without realizing it, it is our own fear, experience, definition of success, or understanding of the world being handed to a student as fact.

There is an important difference between saying:

"Here are some things you should consider."

and

"I don't think you should do that."

Guidance should help students understand choices, risks, and opportunities. It should not quietly become a ceiling built from the limitations of the adults around them.

Before we can guide students well, we have to be willing to examine the lens we bring to the conversation. A few intentional questions can help us determine whether we are expanding a student's thinking or unintentionally narrowing it.

• When a student shares an ambitious goal, is my first response curiosity or caution?

• Do I ask enough questions before offering advice?

• Am I helping a student examine a possibility, or trying to steer them toward the path that feels safest to me?

• How much are my own experiences with college, careers, money, stability, or success influencing what I recommend?

• When I see an obstacle, do I tell the student why something probably will not work, or help them figure out what it would take to make it work?

• Do I know enough about the path a student is considering to advise them on it?

• Which students in our schools are most likely to hear “be realistic”?

• Are we helping students make thoughtful decisions, or rewarding them for making the decisions adults prefer?

Reflection matters, but guidance also has to show up differently in practice. Small shifts in the way we respond to students can create more space for exploration, ownership, and possibility without abandoning honesty or responsibility.

• Ask before you advise.

  • Start with: What interests you about that? What have you learned about it? What would that path look like? Understand the student's thinking before inserting your own.

• Replace “You shouldn't” with “Let's explore it.”

  • Help students investigate requirements, costs, opportunities, challenges, timelines, and alternatives.

• Know when you are not the expert.

  • A school counselor does not have to understand every career pathway. A teacher does not have to know every college, trade, profession, or industry. Our responsibility may be to help the student find someone who does.

• Separate risk from impossibility.

  • Some goals are difficult. Some are highly competitive. Some require backup plans. Naming those realities is responsible guidance. Declaring the goal unrealistic because it makes us uncomfortable is something different.

• Connect students to people and experiences.

  • Find mentors. Arrange conversations. Share programs. Encourage internships, job shadowing, college visits, career exploration, or opportunities to experience the field firsthand.

• Watch the language you use.

  • Try replacing “You should…” with “Have you considered…?” and “That won't work” with “What would need to happen for that to work?”

• Teach decision-making rather than decision-following.

  • The long-term goal is not for students to make the choices we would make. It is for them to become increasingly capable of gathering information, evaluating options, weighing risk, seeking advice, and making decisions for themselves.

The counselor in this story was not trying to crush a dream. They were trying to protect the student.

That is precisely why this story matters.

The adults who unintentionally limit young people are rarely trying to do so. Most are caring adults doing what they believe is best. Our good intentions do not make our perspective complete, and students should not inherit the boundaries of our own experience simply because they trust us.

There will absolutely be moments when educators need to tell students difficult truths. Guidance is not cheerleading. We should talk honestly about preparation, finances, competition, academic requirements, alternate routes, and the possibility that Plan A may need to become Plan B.

The purpose of those conversations should be to expand a student's ability to make a thoughtful decision, not to make the decision for them.

A sentence from a trusted teacher or counselor can live in a student's head for years.

You could really do this.

So can another one.

That's probably not realistic.

We may never know which sentence a student carries with them.

That is why guidance is such an extraordinary responsibility. Our job is not to predict which students will ultimately succeed on the road they choose.

Our job is to make sure we do not close the road before they have had the chance to explore where it might lead.

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