Fundamental Friday: Shifting from “I’m So Proud of You” to “You Should Be So Proud"
- Catherine Addor
- Jun 27
- 2 min read

Leadership is more than encouragement; it’s about empowerment.
There’s a subtle but powerful difference between saying “I’m so proud of you” and “You should be so proud of yourself.” One centers us as the leader; the other centers them—the person who did the work, made the growth, and overcame the challenge.
“I’m proud of you.” It feels good. It recognizes effort.
But “You should be proud” builds internal validation. It teaches reflection, ownership, and self-worth, which are significant for teams that are still finding their confidence or voice.
In leadership, this small shift can create a lasting ripple effect:
It teaches people to value their own progress.
It fosters intrinsic motivation.
It fosters self-efficacy, rather than dependency on external praise.
Actionable Steps for Leaders:
Reflect Praise Back
Next time you’re tempted to say “I’m proud of you,” pause and ask:
“How do you feel about what you accomplished?”
This simple question opens space for self-reflection and growth.
Use Affirming Language
Try phrases like:
“You should be proud of the way you handled that challenge.”
“That took courage. How are you feeling about what you just did?”
Build it Into Feedback Loops
In post-observation meetings, debriefs, or check-ins, incorporate reflective prompts:
“What are you most proud of in your work this week?”
“What part of this process stretched you the most and how did you meet it?”
Model It Publicly
When celebrating someone’s success, show the difference:
“While I’m proud to work alongside you, what matters more is that you see your
growth. You should be proud.”
A Final Thought:
Great leaders don’t just hand out compliments.
They hand over the mirror.
Because leadership isn’t about collecting moments of approval, it’s about helping others see their worth, own their growth, and believe in their ability to lead from wherever they stand.
When people learn to recognize their progress through their own eyes (not just through yours) they begin to trust their instincts, advocate for themselves, and push forward with purpose.
And that’s where the fundamental transformation happens.
It’s not the praise that sustains them; it’s the pride they feel when they realize they did something hard, meaningful, or brave. That internal recognition becomes fuel. It builds resilience, confidence, and the motivation to keep going.
So when you shift from “I’m proud of you” to “You should be proud of yourself,” you’re not stepping back. You’re lifting them up.
Because when people start seeing their value, they rise (and keep rising) long after the applause fades.
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